HOME AGAIN, HOME AGAIN, JIGITY, JIG

Yes, we are home.  Actually we've been home since November 6th but being a family in China is not quite like being a family at home.  Real life tends to interfere - like work and school and paying bills and cleaning the house and trying to get little Brea to re-organize her nights into her days and to accept Daddy and get Cara's school supplies and, well, everything.  So I just got to the point where I thought I had a minute to post and realized it's been so long since I posted directly to my blog that I've forgotten how - I have to do it through email the way I was used to in China.  I'm sure if I was younger, didn't have 8 kids, wasn't working and traveling with work and trying to get my work computer to work and get the darn printer to work, then I would remember these things.  SIGH - but that's not the situation.

So - Cara is doing well.  She started school right away which I believe was best.  Otherwise, I think she would be bored and she would have been trying to take care of Brea, which is not her job.  She needs to be a kid herself and Brea needs to learn that Mommy and Daddy do for her, not older sister Cara.  Cara's school put her in 8th grade - I strongly disagree.  Which I've voiced, but I don't think they will take it seriously.  Still the academic evaluation is not done yet so I'm holding out hope that they will place her in her academically appropriate grade level.  Honestly, I can't see how a child who does not know basic English, was in an orphanage where they have 50 to 60 students per class and has to adjust to new food, new home, new family, my goodness even different air to breathe can have the same chance at academic success as an American student who has lived here all their lives.  Their chronological age seems to be the most minor of reasons for her grade placement.  But she doesn't seem stressed about school at all.  The only issue is getting her up in time for the bus - HA! if that isn't typical.

Brea is not doing as well.  But we expected this.  Cara totally understood and agreed to the adoption.   A three year old has little understanding of why her world was turned upside down.  She is angry and up until yesterday had her days and nights mixed up so that she awoke every night and cried for hours.  Nothing we could do stopped her, even laying next her she still cried.  I think she was and is mourning all she lost.  I feel so sad for her.  But, last night she slept through the night for the first time since coming home from China.  Now, just yto clarify, she slept through the night in China, too, every night.  But ever since coming home, not so much.  I hope this is the turning point and she can finally start to heal.  But she is stubborn and pretty sure of what she wants and doesn't want.  Good news is food doesn't seem to be an issue - she will eat anything.  Cara is more picky- can't blame her - our food and Chinese food is very different.  And I can't say I liked the Chinese food either - you could call me picky, too!

Anyway, we're home.  Cara seems happy but doesn't want to sleep in her room alone so she's on the floor of our bedroom until she gets comfortable with her room.  Brea doesn't seem happy but we remain hopeful - she's going through a difficult time and this is her way of coping right now.  I give her lots of kisses when I can (she doesn't return them but once in a great while - but that's a start!)  and she loves being read to before she goes to bed.  She shares a bed with our 2 yr old, T'ea and both seem to like the arrangement.

I'm back to work and out of town alot.  I miss the family but can't help the work situation - it is what it is.  Meanwhile, my wonderful stay-at-home Dad/husband copes with the new family dynamics, which actually could be alot worse.  So, sorry no pictures today - I'm blogging from the road, so to speak and don't have my memory card with me.

peeing in the grass!

Funny thing - while we were at the zoo, Brea was running all around.  I was following her either by foot or one of the other parents was or Cara or Jenna was!  Whew!  So glad we have a small army to keep track of her.  So, I'm watching these black bears that were so cute begging like dogs for food that the crowd was not supposed to be feeding them and I glance over and Brea is wrestling with her pants trying to pull them down.  She is over by the grass yelling something at me in Chinese.  I'm distracted because these bears where really fascinating - they could catch these small popcorn sized bits in their mouths pretty often and their eyes, of course, are on the side of their face.  You gotta think their nose would get in the way.  So, I don't want to lose my prime viewing spot (in China, you rarely get a prime viewing spot for anything!)  Anyway, Brea is not to be detered.  She has decided that this grassy area is a perfect spot for doing her own kind of show.  Sure enough by the time I give up and run over to 'help' her Brea has pushed her pants down to her ankles and only needs me to help her squat.  Not one Chinese person batted an eye.  Man, oh man between the constant hawking and spitting that goes on and the children doing it whenever and whereever, it gives new meaning to belief that once anything hits the ground, it's not worth picking up again.  EVER.
Here's a picture of those bears I didn't want to leave....

Zoo pictures

Here's a couple more pictures at the zoo.  So, Brea did the "I don't need you, I can live life on my own.  I'm leaving" rountine again at the zoo.  I let her go for awhile, but she was serious this time.  No backward glance, no hesitation, just a straight march around the bear enclosure, up the stairs and still heading north.  So, of course, I had to march after her, and bring her back.  Thereafter she was confined to the stroller (big hardship - she loves, loves, loves HER stroller!)  I do give her some leeway for the fact that she doesn't understand, 'stay with us' and she doesn't care yet if she stays with us!  But, as usual, she fell asleep in my arms on the way home in the bus.  And, she climbed into my lap deliberately to do so.  I think she realized it's a nice soft bed in Mom's arms!  So much for Brea bonding with me - she can take or leave me at this point.  But she earns a ton of Mom bonding with her points for so sweetly crawling into my arms and trustingly falling asleep there three days in a row.

Zoo

We went to the zoo today.  I was a little nervous about going because I did not want to see caged animals in distress.  But, I'm glad I went.  None of the animals I saw appeared to be in a great deal of stress.  Every enclosure I saw looked similar to those in the States - that's not to say that the animals in them are having a great time, but there was time, energy and effort given to trying to make the area large enough and interesting enough to allow some enjoyment of life by these poor captive animals.  I love animals and I do enjoy seeing exotic animals like lions and tigers and bears (oh my!!)  Sorry, I just had to do it!! Hee, hee, hee!   But I would much prefer to have seen these animals on video in their natural habitat and not in a zoo, ever.  Ok, maybe only if they are sick and need treatment.  You know what I mean - come on - would you want to live in your natural habitat (home to you) or in a hotel room - it's nice, it's made for your comfort in mind.  Sorry, going on close to three weeks in a hotel - and the ones we've been in are NICE!, I'll take home anytime.  I bet the animals would, too.

So, just to continue to promote the Zoo-going tradition, here are some pictures.  The zoo was beautiful.  I wonder if was spiffied up just for the Asian games or not?  Funny, they had some dolphin statues by the entrances all covered in plastic bags to stay clean (I assume).  I was laughing and saying to the other families the statues are for the more important Asian games guests than us!!

what a soon to be 14 yr old wants

Ok our cool Cara - adopted a week before her 14th birthday.  We sent her a care package before we got here.  What did she like in it?  Well, a skinny purse, lip-smackers lip gloss, two Holister t-shirts, a pink bling watch and body lotion.  What did we send her that I still have not seen?  Um.  We sent her two single use cameras.  I don't see any pictures and she told she didn't use them.  Don't know why.  We sent her a diary type thing, haven't seen it and she didn't mention it.  Sent her some gel pens - no sign of them.  Hair bands - nope.  Nail polish was used when we got here.  So, most of this is just personality, but in case you were wondering what to send to a soon to be 14 yr old, that's our list.  Some worked, some didn't.  She definitely loved the jeans I bought her once I got here - she picked them out.

few more pictures

See that adorable little one in the stroller - oh she is so cute - but don't let the picture fool you, she is, um, difficult.  As a matter of fact every China adopted child in our group, outside of Cara, is what I would term difficult.  We have adopted six children now.  Two were domestic adoptions when the baby was three days old. No problems other than the typical baby issues (and, Kevin was sick - but that has nothing to do with this topic - it's unrelated.)  Mia was adopted at seven months old - she was like a deer in the headlights, scared out of her wits and that was very sad.  However, she did not act out with it, she self-soothed by rocking back and forth and after about the 4th day that stopped.  She is 4 years old now and seems well adjusted, time will tell.  Then T'ea was adopted at 13 months old.  She is dealing with food relationship issues that, I believe, stem from starvation when she was very young.  But she generally does not act out.  She is two years old, very, very loving and has the typical two year old issues.  She can be a challenge, but almost every two year old is a challenge, that's why they call it the terrible twos!!  Then there is Breanna.  I have not experienced this behavior on a regular basis in my past as a parent of six kids.  Now, I know we have only been with her 6 days, but this I know to be true: some children do not have these traits in their personality.  She will let her body go limp, she will throw things, she will lay on the ground and scream and she will spit (just discovered this today) and she will yell out at the top of her lungs if she is not getting what she wants.  I've worked through these by ignoring the behavior I don't like and praising the behavior I do like, but in an atmosphere like this it is not made for success.  If she is running into the street, you have to stop her, if she is laying in the middle of a busy sidewalk you have to pick her up.  BUT - as my Mom always used to tell me: just wait until we get you home!! 
So, what is wonderful about Brea?  She will try any food and tell you if she doesn't like it.  She will keep herself occuppied with her small arsenal of toys.  And, sweetest of all, when she is tired, she wants to be held and will fall asleep in your arms.
I believe we will have a well behaved child shortly. I don't mean that we are going to beat the stuffing out of her - not at all.  What I mean is that allowing a child to behave this way is not in anyone's best interest.  It's not good for her, the parents or the rest of the family.  So, it can not continue.  If that means she is in time out ALOT, with lots of praise when she is nice - then everyone will be much happier in the long run.  Until then....sigh.... ....

pictures from Botanical gardens

The next few pictures are all at the botanical gardens.  It was really a very nice day - bright sunshine, maybe 75 degrees - who could ask for more?