HOME AGAIN, HOME AGAIN, JIGITY, JIG

Yes, we are home.  Actually we've been home since November 6th but being a family in China is not quite like being a family at home.  Real life tends to interfere - like work and school and paying bills and cleaning the house and trying to get little Brea to re-organize her nights into her days and to accept Daddy and get Cara's school supplies and, well, everything.  So I just got to the point where I thought I had a minute to post and realized it's been so long since I posted directly to my blog that I've forgotten how - I have to do it through email the way I was used to in China.  I'm sure if I was younger, didn't have 8 kids, wasn't working and traveling with work and trying to get my work computer to work and get the darn printer to work, then I would remember these things.  SIGH - but that's not the situation.

So - Cara is doing well.  She started school right away which I believe was best.  Otherwise, I think she would be bored and she would have been trying to take care of Brea, which is not her job.  She needs to be a kid herself and Brea needs to learn that Mommy and Daddy do for her, not older sister Cara.  Cara's school put her in 8th grade - I strongly disagree.  Which I've voiced, but I don't think they will take it seriously.  Still the academic evaluation is not done yet so I'm holding out hope that they will place her in her academically appropriate grade level.  Honestly, I can't see how a child who does not know basic English, was in an orphanage where they have 50 to 60 students per class and has to adjust to new food, new home, new family, my goodness even different air to breathe can have the same chance at academic success as an American student who has lived here all their lives.  Their chronological age seems to be the most minor of reasons for her grade placement.  But she doesn't seem stressed about school at all.  The only issue is getting her up in time for the bus - HA! if that isn't typical.

Brea is not doing as well.  But we expected this.  Cara totally understood and agreed to the adoption.   A three year old has little understanding of why her world was turned upside down.  She is angry and up until yesterday had her days and nights mixed up so that she awoke every night and cried for hours.  Nothing we could do stopped her, even laying next her she still cried.  I think she was and is mourning all she lost.  I feel so sad for her.  But, last night she slept through the night for the first time since coming home from China.  Now, just yto clarify, she slept through the night in China, too, every night.  But ever since coming home, not so much.  I hope this is the turning point and she can finally start to heal.  But she is stubborn and pretty sure of what she wants and doesn't want.  Good news is food doesn't seem to be an issue - she will eat anything.  Cara is more picky- can't blame her - our food and Chinese food is very different.  And I can't say I liked the Chinese food either - you could call me picky, too!

Anyway, we're home.  Cara seems happy but doesn't want to sleep in her room alone so she's on the floor of our bedroom until she gets comfortable with her room.  Brea doesn't seem happy but we remain hopeful - she's going through a difficult time and this is her way of coping right now.  I give her lots of kisses when I can (she doesn't return them but once in a great while - but that's a start!)  and she loves being read to before she goes to bed.  She shares a bed with our 2 yr old, T'ea and both seem to like the arrangement.

I'm back to work and out of town alot.  I miss the family but can't help the work situation - it is what it is.  Meanwhile, my wonderful stay-at-home Dad/husband copes with the new family dynamics, which actually could be alot worse.  So, sorry no pictures today - I'm blogging from the road, so to speak and don't have my memory card with me.

peeing in the grass!

Funny thing - while we were at the zoo, Brea was running all around.  I was following her either by foot or one of the other parents was or Cara or Jenna was!  Whew!  So glad we have a small army to keep track of her.  So, I'm watching these black bears that were so cute begging like dogs for food that the crowd was not supposed to be feeding them and I glance over and Brea is wrestling with her pants trying to pull them down.  She is over by the grass yelling something at me in Chinese.  I'm distracted because these bears where really fascinating - they could catch these small popcorn sized bits in their mouths pretty often and their eyes, of course, are on the side of their face.  You gotta think their nose would get in the way.  So, I don't want to lose my prime viewing spot (in China, you rarely get a prime viewing spot for anything!)  Anyway, Brea is not to be detered.  She has decided that this grassy area is a perfect spot for doing her own kind of show.  Sure enough by the time I give up and run over to 'help' her Brea has pushed her pants down to her ankles and only needs me to help her squat.  Not one Chinese person batted an eye.  Man, oh man between the constant hawking and spitting that goes on and the children doing it whenever and whereever, it gives new meaning to belief that once anything hits the ground, it's not worth picking up again.  EVER.
Here's a picture of those bears I didn't want to leave....

Zoo pictures

Here's a couple more pictures at the zoo.  So, Brea did the "I don't need you, I can live life on my own.  I'm leaving" rountine again at the zoo.  I let her go for awhile, but she was serious this time.  No backward glance, no hesitation, just a straight march around the bear enclosure, up the stairs and still heading north.  So, of course, I had to march after her, and bring her back.  Thereafter she was confined to the stroller (big hardship - she loves, loves, loves HER stroller!)  I do give her some leeway for the fact that she doesn't understand, 'stay with us' and she doesn't care yet if she stays with us!  But, as usual, she fell asleep in my arms on the way home in the bus.  And, she climbed into my lap deliberately to do so.  I think she realized it's a nice soft bed in Mom's arms!  So much for Brea bonding with me - she can take or leave me at this point.  But she earns a ton of Mom bonding with her points for so sweetly crawling into my arms and trustingly falling asleep there three days in a row.

Zoo

We went to the zoo today.  I was a little nervous about going because I did not want to see caged animals in distress.  But, I'm glad I went.  None of the animals I saw appeared to be in a great deal of stress.  Every enclosure I saw looked similar to those in the States - that's not to say that the animals in them are having a great time, but there was time, energy and effort given to trying to make the area large enough and interesting enough to allow some enjoyment of life by these poor captive animals.  I love animals and I do enjoy seeing exotic animals like lions and tigers and bears (oh my!!)  Sorry, I just had to do it!! Hee, hee, hee!   But I would much prefer to have seen these animals on video in their natural habitat and not in a zoo, ever.  Ok, maybe only if they are sick and need treatment.  You know what I mean - come on - would you want to live in your natural habitat (home to you) or in a hotel room - it's nice, it's made for your comfort in mind.  Sorry, going on close to three weeks in a hotel - and the ones we've been in are NICE!, I'll take home anytime.  I bet the animals would, too.

So, just to continue to promote the Zoo-going tradition, here are some pictures.  The zoo was beautiful.  I wonder if was spiffied up just for the Asian games or not?  Funny, they had some dolphin statues by the entrances all covered in plastic bags to stay clean (I assume).  I was laughing and saying to the other families the statues are for the more important Asian games guests than us!!

what a soon to be 14 yr old wants

Ok our cool Cara - adopted a week before her 14th birthday.  We sent her a care package before we got here.  What did she like in it?  Well, a skinny purse, lip-smackers lip gloss, two Holister t-shirts, a pink bling watch and body lotion.  What did we send her that I still have not seen?  Um.  We sent her two single use cameras.  I don't see any pictures and she told she didn't use them.  Don't know why.  We sent her a diary type thing, haven't seen it and she didn't mention it.  Sent her some gel pens - no sign of them.  Hair bands - nope.  Nail polish was used when we got here.  So, most of this is just personality, but in case you were wondering what to send to a soon to be 14 yr old, that's our list.  Some worked, some didn't.  She definitely loved the jeans I bought her once I got here - she picked them out.

few more pictures

See that adorable little one in the stroller - oh she is so cute - but don't let the picture fool you, she is, um, difficult.  As a matter of fact every China adopted child in our group, outside of Cara, is what I would term difficult.  We have adopted six children now.  Two were domestic adoptions when the baby was three days old. No problems other than the typical baby issues (and, Kevin was sick - but that has nothing to do with this topic - it's unrelated.)  Mia was adopted at seven months old - she was like a deer in the headlights, scared out of her wits and that was very sad.  However, she did not act out with it, she self-soothed by rocking back and forth and after about the 4th day that stopped.  She is 4 years old now and seems well adjusted, time will tell.  Then T'ea was adopted at 13 months old.  She is dealing with food relationship issues that, I believe, stem from starvation when she was very young.  But she generally does not act out.  She is two years old, very, very loving and has the typical two year old issues.  She can be a challenge, but almost every two year old is a challenge, that's why they call it the terrible twos!!  Then there is Breanna.  I have not experienced this behavior on a regular basis in my past as a parent of six kids.  Now, I know we have only been with her 6 days, but this I know to be true: some children do not have these traits in their personality.  She will let her body go limp, she will throw things, she will lay on the ground and scream and she will spit (just discovered this today) and she will yell out at the top of her lungs if she is not getting what she wants.  I've worked through these by ignoring the behavior I don't like and praising the behavior I do like, but in an atmosphere like this it is not made for success.  If she is running into the street, you have to stop her, if she is laying in the middle of a busy sidewalk you have to pick her up.  BUT - as my Mom always used to tell me: just wait until we get you home!! 
So, what is wonderful about Brea?  She will try any food and tell you if she doesn't like it.  She will keep herself occuppied with her small arsenal of toys.  And, sweetest of all, when she is tired, she wants to be held and will fall asleep in your arms.
I believe we will have a well behaved child shortly. I don't mean that we are going to beat the stuffing out of her - not at all.  What I mean is that allowing a child to behave this way is not in anyone's best interest.  It's not good for her, the parents or the rest of the family.  So, it can not continue.  If that means she is in time out ALOT, with lots of praise when she is nice - then everyone will be much happier in the long run.  Until then....sigh.... ....

pictures from Botanical gardens

The next few pictures are all at the botanical gardens.  It was really a very nice day - bright sunshine, maybe 75 degrees - who could ask for more?

botantical gardens

Today we went down to the lobby to take pictures then went to the botantical gardens.  WOW!  They were beautiful!!  So wish my husband were there to share them with us.  I've said it before I think, but China is not a third world country.  Vietnam and Ethiopia could never afford something like this.  I know in the states we have something as beautiful, but I haven't seen it recently to be able to say - this is as nice.  That said, Breanna was as misbehaved as any child we have ever had.  She was whiney, strong-willed, bad tempered.  Her behavior was something I would never have tolerated at home.  I'm thinking some of the bad behavior was not feeling well.  She just had shots yesterday and I wouldn't be surprised if she was headache-y, tired or sore.  So I gave her some tylonel and that did help - she stopped some of the whining.  As for the strong-will and bad temper - I just got through it.  She was laying down on the sidewalk repeatedly and Cara, being the helpful big sister would rush to pick her up.  Finally, I just let her lay there.  Once, we even started to walk a couple steps away - Well, she actually sat up then! I went back to help her stand up and praised her.  Another time she just started to walk away from us.  I called to her and she ignored me.  This was a deliberate ignore, she knew exactly what she was doing.  I let her go.  I would say she walked about 1/2 block away.  I could still see her, but I kept my back to her and kept Jenna and Cara from chasing after her.  It worked!!  She finally turned around and came back to us - again I praised her and she seemed tickled to get the praise. 

I was talking with one of the other parents on Brea's behavior and saying I was surprised to be encountering behavior that I would normally expect from a child who was somewhat spoiled - someone who expected and got care-giver attention for bad behavior.  The other parent guessed that maybe the orphanage gave the children whatever they wanted to keep them quiet.  That seems like a difficult tactic in that there must be quite a few children for each care-giver.  But if that's not it, then I'm stumped.  There certainly has not been time for Breanna to have learned this behavior since she's been with us.  Perhaps she is testing me - that really might be it.  How far can I push this person to give me what I want, when I want it?  Well, I think we are going to be going through some learning curves here, because I'm a softie compared to my husband - there will be no tolerating this with him.  Ha, Ha.  Well, as I said she did come back - which since we've only known her since Wednesday was a pretty big sign that she understands who her care-givers are now.

So, here are some pictures from this morning - the whole Lifeline adoption group includes Destry and Beth and their twin girls (9 yr old), and Robert and Pam and their 6 yr old son.  Rob and Pam brought their 4 yr old son with them that they adopted previously.  Rob and Pam's boys are crazy about Jenna and Cara and the girls have been really good with them.  Quite honestly, I'm really impressed at how well the girls have handled the boys - they are somewhat wild and constantly after them to play with them or hold their hand to pulling on them.  Jenna has gotten a little frustrated, but Cara has been hands down wonderful.  Somewhat reassuring is the fact that Matthew (9 yr old just adopted this trip) is having some really bad behavior, too.  Misery loves company, glad to she it's not just Brea.  Of course, I've never adopted a toddler before - so it might just be what happens when a 3 yr old has her whole world changed.  I would tend to be a little cranky myself, I guess.

couple more pictures

You know when I see models I expect them to be really good looking.  These models are all over the place.  I don't mean to say they aren't good looking - just that they are, um, average to my mind.  I'm looking for Naomi Campbell or Elle.  These are just typical folks dressed up.

Then there is a picture of the statues, too.

street scenes

I've been struggling with what to do with the older girls while Brea naps so they have been going out to lunch at Subway while I stay in the room with a sleeping Brea.  Yesterday, they met some folks playing a version of hackysack - you know the game where you kick a small pebble filled ball with your foot and try to keep it in the air passing it to each other?  While that game is played all over here - even adults pay it.  So, the girls (my bet is Cara got them involved in the game - she is so social and not afraid to talk to anyone!) got into a game with a couple of adults just across the street from our hotel.  The second picture is of them playing.  I'm not sure that you can see the ball, but Cara has her back to the camera in the pink hoodie.  Jenna is taking the picture - the other folks were playing with them.  They came back to the room all worn out and laughing.  Best babysitting ever.  Wonder if I could pay them to do it everyday???

White Swan pictures

Here are a couple of pictures of the White Swan.  It's a beautiful hotel, but there is now a doctor's convention here.  It's busier than ever.  Ok, and Chinese people will cut in front of you whereever you are and whatever you do, including trying to get on the elevator.  Now that we have a stroller there is a little more consideration, also I think I've gotten a little more bold.

day at the doctor

Well, today was medical day for the girls.  What a miserable four hours!  The place was packed with amercian adoptive families and the poor kids were made to suffer waiting for that long and then to add insult they each got at least 4 shots!  Cara was brave - I told her no crying in front of Brea, but I know she would not have anyway.  Brea screamed bloody murder.  I don't blame her, she was tired, hot and then they hurt her besides.  I'd be pissed, too.  I understand from another adoptive parent that the reason our kids have to go through this is the gov't amended some law but forgot to revise it to allow the kids to get their vaccinations in the states where they could be spread out.  Apparently, the ability to get their vaccinations state-side was part of the previous law that they amended and it had unintended consequences.  I try very hard to ignore things that are outside my control - this is one of them.  I had heard about this before we traveled, but didn't listen too much because it's one of those things that I can't control, so why sweat it.  But when you are experiencing the consequences and it's your kid it does get you a little frustrated with the government!

Anyway, can you imagine four hours in any doctors office?  Then add to it that you just met your child and she/he is a little nervous in crowds because after all it was in a crowd they met you!  And you rocked their world.  Now, it's happening all over again - they are a little gun shy.  I was able to explain what was happening to Cara - Brea just wanted no part of it.  She was, um, difficult to control.  You know when I kid just lets their body go limp?  It's like trying to pick up jello.  Thankfully, she only screamed a little while, especially after the shots.  Now she is passed out on our bed.  She's been sleeping for 2 and 1/2 hours.  I'm thinking I need to wake her up, but she had a rough day. I'll give her another 15 mins or so.

Here are some pictures of waiting at the medical center.

last pictures of the day

Oh, I forgot to mention.  This is the second day we have seen photo shoots going on for what appears to be wedding advertisements.  Not pictures of a wedding party - they are professional pictures for magazine ads, I think.  I will say they could not have picked a prettier place - like I said the flowers, statuary and lanes throughout the area around White Swan is so, so beautiful.  Kinda cool to see the photo shoots.  Cara has said she wants to be a model - she is sure pretty enough, but I wouldn't wish that lifestyle on anyone I loved.  Too much focus all in the wrong place and not enough grounding on the things in life that really matter.  Oh, but I'd take the money!!  That my philosophy 101 for the day. 

ramdom pictures

This is too funny.  I'm sitting here in the dark - the only light is from the laptop.  I changed plans and put Cara the thrasher in the roll away - this was because she couldn't keep still next to Brea and Brea refused to go to sleep. So. Cara in the roll away.  I put Jenna next to Brea.  Cara and Jenna are passed out.  Little Brea is playing with her little soft rattle toy - still refusing to sleep. Ha, Ha. 
This afternoon Brea started to cry when I put her down for a nap, but she was so tired.  I think she was literally in the middle of a sob when she hit bottom and was asleep not two minutes into her crying protest.  I was probably asleep two minutes later!

Asian games

Okay - totally off topic here. The Asian games are coming to GZ!  I think they are due to start November 9th??  So, the city is preparing and has been for the last year or more.  Off the charts in flowers and greenery, statues and they are planning something similar to Venitian Night at home.  There had to be at least 20 decorated boats on the river and we got to see them practicing.  I think they are planning to have each one decorated with lights, but this was day time, so we didn't get to see the lights - but it was a sight to see! This is a big deal.  As I understand from our guide they have been constructing the city for over a year and it has been horrible to live with, but now it's all coming together and we've been lucky enough to be able to enjoy the beauty before the huge crowds that are sure to be here for the games.  It's the first time in over 50 years GZ has been the host.

Fun at the park

Ok - so the other thing I wanted to share.  We discovered a play park very near the hotel and Brea is a wild thing on the slide.  I'm going to get her a bumper sticker that says, "no fear".  The side is fast! And, Miss Brea has her own idea on how to get the most out of her experience.  Head first upside down - every time.  It's up to one of us to catch her at the bottom before she gets road rash on her face.  She is far from trusting us yet, so I must conclude she doesn't care if she gets road rash on her face!  And, she will not accept any direction on her approach to the slide - very determined and vocal!  Okay, this is one of those things I can live with - it won't kill her and she may learn a lesson one of the times that we are not quick enough to catch her.  Get ready, Glenn to gently guide this ship that is Brea - I have a feeling it's going to be a challenge!  Honestly, Cara takes better direction and she's a teenager!

So much to tell you all about!

Okay - I have many, many things to say and I don't know where to start.  First, Brea and Cara are wild sleepers!  So happy that we can continue to the tradition of every Rupich child being impossible to sleep with!  So, we are in the White Swan - Beautiful hotel - I can't say enough how beautiful it is.  But.  The rooms are small and the King size bed is possibly concrete.  I like a firm mattress, so I never thought I would see the day when the mattress is harder than even I would like, but every dog has his day.  So, benefits to this?  When Cara thrashes throughout the night (and she does!) the whole bed does not rock like typical American beds.  It's just a fight to maintain any of the covers and you wish she would quiet down.  She also talks (Chinese, of course) in her sleep.  Then there is Brea - a typical three year old, she has no preference for head/foot of the bed or even sleeping sideways.  So, Cara and I are clinging to the edges while Queen Brea is spread-eagled sideways in the bed.  Solution?  I'm paying Jenna $1 to switch beds with me - I'll take the lumpy rollaway and the kids can trash it out tonight.  Oh, and Brea only whined once overnight, which I took to mean she had to go potty.  Since I was awake most of the night anyway, it wasn't a hardship.  I think she slept right through pottying on the potty. She went right back to sleep.  Tonight, I'm going to see if she can make it through the night.  After all, I'm on the rollaway - hee,hee.

Okay, then all of us were the walking dead this morning.  We had to do the notary thing this morning and I needed to get more clothes for Brea - but nobody was really into it.  I got one outfit and we left.  Brea and I crashed and the two older girls took a tour of the hotel.  I'm not sure how I'm going to manage the nap situation from this point on because Brea steadfastly refuses to fall asleep unless everyone in the room is sleeping.  That means no TV for the older girls or reading for me.

more pictures of Brea

Brea with her care givers and when I was playing with her.  I was feeding her Cheerios which she loved.

Breanna!!

Oh. my.gosh!!!!  How many times in one lifetime can you fall in love???  I've got to be one of the luckiest persons in the world!  We met our older daughter just last week and she is awesome - so caring and considerate.  I feel really blessed to be able to have the opportunity to get to know her.  Then we met Breanna today (Ding Xue Min).  She is three. 
When we first met her she was playing with her care-givers and having a great time laughing and winding up and tossing the ball AT them.  Not to them - she was trying to knock them over with a line drive.  It was cracking me up.  When we got into the game she was just a willing to share her play time with us and just as willing to throw that ball as hard as she could AT us.  Playing ball is a contact sport with her.
She is obviously bonded to her care givers but somewhat willingly went with us.  She cried just a little.  Then in the van she was like a deer in the headlights.  It broke my heart.  How can you comfort someone when they don't understand, you don't speak the language?  Cara has been a great help, but this evening every time I try to put Brea to bed she starts to cry.  It's not about not wanting to go to bed.  It's about she wants to go home.  And this in not home to her.  She has been so brave all day.  We found the play park near the hotel and she had a ball. She went out to dinner with us to Lucy's and she ate whatever we put on her plate!  All day she has graciously accepted hanging out with us as her temporary care-givers, but now she's tired and she wants to go home.  So every time I try to put her to sleep, she's wanting nothing to do with it.  Just now we put on some Chinese cartoon that has fascinated her.  I've tucked her in to watch and she is eye-rubbing.  I'm sure hoping the old trick of suggle up to watch TV works and she just falls asleep.  One problem - they told me I have to wake her up twice in the night to let her go potty. Ummm, I don't think they understand the degree of my attachment to sleep.  However, in the interest of having a dry bed, especially since she's sleeping with me, I'll give it a go.

Here are some pictures.  Jenna and Cara took almost all of them.

gift pendant

The first picture is of the pendant the orphanage gave to us at Cara's adoption signing.  It's beautiful and so very sweet of them. The second picture is from the going away party the orphanage threw for Cara - look at all that yummy seafood!!  I totally realize that western food is gross - as a matter of fact people from other countries have remarked that American's have a smell to them because of all the beef we eat.  I know this to be true, but I'm used to that smell.  China has a smell to it and part of it is because of all the seafood they eat.  It's a much, much, much healthier diet than our western diet, but it's all in what you are used to.  I can not eat most of the chinese diet - it's the texture, the smell and the knowledge of what it is.  Why is that different?  When I eat beef or chicken I know where it's from, too.  But that doesn't seem as mentally difficult to handle as eating a squid, for example.  And, I guess it doesn't help that they don't disguise what they are eating.  For example, at breakfast they always serve fried fungus; it's black, gelitous and slimy.  Cara wolfed it down, I couldn't look at it.  At lunch yesterday they served squid legs.  Easily identified.  When we eat a hamburger there is nothing to suggest it's a cow, no hoof sticking out, no sideways eyeball still present.  I can distant my pysche and pretend it never took a breath.  Yesterday they served fish - all scales, eyeballs and tail still attached.  I like fish, I eat it at home.  I couldn't look at this one or take a bite - it could have been Dory or Nemo - who knows?

It is rare that you see an overweight chinese person - two reasons I think.  The diet and then they are constantly getting exercise.  Most folks don't own a car and don't take a taxi.  They walk, take a bus, the train, walk some more. There are stairs everywhere; mostly to allow a person to cross the street.  You go down under the street and come up the other side.  The first few days in China my thighs were sore from walking so many stairs (of course the Great Wall is mostly responsible for that.  If you climb the Great Wall just a few times a week you will be in great shape!!) 

It might surprise you to learn that I think I've gained weight in China.  First, because we've had to hang around the room so much and it was raining ALL THE TIME.  Typhoon Juan came and dumped on us.  So, time in the room means boredom, and I brought snacks.  Secondly, I'm afraid to leave the buffet.  It serves unidentifable western food, so I stock up.  Every morning two eggs, two pieces of toast (with jam), cereal, watermelon (my nod to healthy), tea, bacon and sometimes french toast and pancakes.  And then we discovered Pizza Hut - oh thank goodness!  Pan pizza, thick crust tasting just like it does at home.  I go local for dinner - meaning fried rice for me, Jenna shares it with me and Cara does seafood ball soup.  I don't know what the balls are that float in the soup.  Thankfully, she doesn't speak English and can't tell me yet.

We leave for Guangzhou tomorrow morning.  My main goal is to scope out the Pizza Hut.  Just so you know, I have tried restuarants in Vietnam that boasted Western food - ah, not so much.  I have tried Mcdonalds in Hong Kong - the chicken was, um, different.  So, since I have found Pizza Hut that tastes just like our Pizza Hut, I'm sticking to it.  I haven't asked Cara what she thinks of going to the same restuarant every day.  It does serve Chinese food, too, so I'm not a bad parent.  Just homesick and as we all know, food is comfort. 

pictures

The first picture is when I passed out on the train on the way back - the girls insisted I post it to the blog.  Geez, why do I look so OLD????  Ick!!

Then the next is a picture of the girls on the bridge with the Lakeside hotel in the distance.  It really was and is a pretty place.

bullet train

Here we are in front of our bullet train on the way home from Xiamen City - it went 150 mph and every time it went through a tunnel the air pressure changed significantly and cause our ears to hurt.  It's similar to how your ears feel when you change altitude quickly - not fun.

The countryside between Fuzhou and Xiamen City is lush and beautiful - but the buildings are ugly  - there is no consideration given to form - just if it works, so it doesn't look very pretty.

More Xiamen pictures

These pictures are friends of Cara's - the first one her close friends from the orphanage, the second her public school girl friends.  They have 50 to 60 students per class - so it takes alot to get noticed and you have to have very good grades to go to the university.

Xiamen Pictures

Here are a couple pictures from Xiamen City Welfare Institute - One with a 12 year old Hep B+ that is still waiting for her family and then a second picture of Cara on her bed.  Xiamen just recently built a new children's facility.

Xiamen City

I think the orphanage director was trying to drink me under the table!!  We went to Xiamen (pronounced Shamen) City to visit Cara's orphanage.  What an amazing experience, I think it easily was the best thing we could have done for Cara.  It provided her closure, I think.  A chance to say goodbye to her old life and the ability to say goodbye to those she has known for years.  She was not emotional - I felt I could have lost it at the gates of her school if I wasn't so tired by then.

So, here's how it went.  We took the train at 8:20am to Xiamen City - a non-stop bullet train, but it only went a little over 100mph.  You have not experienced China until you have been part of the cattle call to board a train.  Honestly, I would like to explain - everyone there already has an assigned seat and a ticket, right?  So there is no need to crowd on like your playing musical chairs and your going to miss your chair if you don't get there first!!  Doesn't matter, I think the Chinese are born with the 'coping with crowds' gene and there is no reasoning with it.  So, we get there.  Absolutely, lush, beautiful, green.  Very pretty.  I've really got to say I was not expecting the feeling of green and tropical - the Chinese really have a beautiful country.  It would be breathtaking if they valued form over functionally a little bit more.  See, they don't seem to care how something looks as long as it works.  So everywhere you look there are these truly ugly metal grills covering all their balconies and windows.  And if they are in the process of building anything you can count on the building site having discarded piles of rubble surrounding it.  There are clothes lines strung from end to end and most stores, etc. are a honge-ponge of whatever works to get them to their goal.  Tables may be made up of old crates and stumps.  The whole effect looks haphazard, discordant and basically not very attractive.  But it works! 
We were warmly welcomed at the train station and immediately went to Cara's finding place, problem is that after almost 14 years it has changed quite a bit.  There is now a storage facility and newer apartment building on the site - really hard to say where exactly she was found, but we gave it a go.
Then it was on to the orphanage itself.  Xiamen social welfare institute has a new building - poor Cara never got to live in it, but it looks really spiffy.  We sat and talked with the director (impressively - it was a woman) and some of Cara's friends from the orphanage.  We ate this huge fruit that looks like the biggest orange you've ever seen - a palmuloe, I think.  They invited us to lunch.  I had no idea that we were actually being invited to a lunch with the big-wig director of the whole welfare institute, if I had realized I think I would have been much, much more nervous.  As it was, we were 1/2 way into it before I realized the importance of the lunch.  I'm thinking we had really bad timing.  I think they had a lunch planned with another director from Beijing, in any case it ended up being 11 of us and they were serving area delicacies.  I do like sea food, but this was beyond my ability to cope with.  The problem is two-fold - the smell and the texture.  It just seems extremely slimy to me.  I did have some soup and Isable, our guide, whispered to me that she would let me know what was in it later - it was pig intestine and liver. The most intimating thing by far was the fact that the directors (there were about 5 of them there) kept toasting each other with red wine, and they were toasting me, Cara and Jenna, too.  Each toast required me to drain my glass (Isable whispered that is was polite to do so.)  It kinda became a joke with the directors as they continued to welcome us and wish us a happy healthy family.  Isabel mentioned that the head director (pictured here) will toast each three times, then two times then one time.  I'm not sure if it's the topic or the person he needs to toast repeatatively, but I was really drunk by the time lunch was over.  Isabel says the Chinese people feel that if you toast each other by the time the meal is over you have made another friend.  Well, I can see why - it's because you are falling down drunk and heck yeah, I'll be anyone's friend after about 6 toasts.  Then, of course, I need to toast the director several times - man, so much pressure at lunch!!  I'll remember that lunch for a long, long time to come!  I'll post more pictures after I've slept off my afternoon hangover!!
Cheers!

Fuzhou pictures

Couple pictures of the temple.

trip to the temple

Today we went to the west temple - it was truly beautiful.  Some of the buildings are really, really old.  I would tell you how old, but there is a difference of opinion as to how old I thought they were and how old Jenna thought they were.  I trust her memory better than mine, but both of us admit we can't remember very well!!

Cara is doing wonderfully.  She has not shed a tear, expressed any doubt or fear.  I know she is nervous, but when I ask her about emotions, it becomes very difficult to span the language barrier.  We plan on visiting the orphanage on Monday and I'm hopeful someone there will be able to help me understand some of Cara's concerns.  I know she must have some and I would like to answer them to the best of my ability, at least to ease her mind.

Our guide has questioned us over and over again about our large family.  I don't think she can wrap her mind around why we would continue to adopt when we already have 6 children.  It has gotten to the point where, even though I understand the source of the questions and the fact that the China culture does not embrace a family of our size, I'm still getting a little defensive.  I have explained to her that we enjoy children and there are as many positives to having a large family as there are positives to having a small family, but I can see that she may think a family our size is unfair to the children within the family.  The feeling I get is that she feels you can't spend the $$, the patience, the effort, etc. and do it well.  Huh.  Well, there are definitely times I would just like to tell folks to mind their own business; and I generally speaking I would.  But in this case I bite my tougue.  I will just try to avoid the topic from now on.

After the temple we went to the West Lake Park - again so pretty.  We bought a blow-up ball and played monkey in the middle (I was in the middle more than my share I must admit!!) and we had a great time.  I notice that as the day goes on and we all have a good time with each other, Cara relaxes more and more.  Then we go to sleep and the next morning it's like we have to build that bridge again - it's a little easier then the day before , but we take a couple steps backwards.

Today she finally asked me to buy her a toy - I had been asking her for the last couple of days as we shopped what small thing I could buy her to remember this trip by and she refused.  Today, she initiated it.  It's a step in the right direction - trust enough to ask something of me.  Tomorrow is Sunday and I don't know what we will do. There is only so much shopping you can do.  I would love to get a massage, but they are way too expensive at this hotel.  Wish I knew the area better or they had a phone book - we could look for a place that was cheaper.  Funny story, yesterday the girls went swimming for a very short time - it was overcast, drizzling and cool.  They came in and we were walking past the sauna - so I asked how much it was - they said 120 RMB or about $20 for both of the girls.  Seemed good and I thought it would be a treat for them.  They went in for about 15 minutes, warmed up and threw water on each other.  Then we went back to the room.  About an hour later the woman from the sauna comes knocking on our door, anxiously telling me it was really 196 RMB, not 120 or about $13 more.  Poor thing was so upset and worried - I think her job was at stake.  I didn't have enough RMB to pay her so she took $100 in US money.  I was a little nervous about just giving it to her, I was thinking I might not see her again.  But, no worries, about 15 minutes later she comes running back with the change and so relieved.  Ha, ha  I don't know that I would have done the sauna if I had known it was $33 for the two girls, but hey, it was a great bonding experience for the two of them, even if it was only 15 minutes!!

I'll post some more pictures shortly.

couple more pics

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